Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
