i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
