Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
