im having a threesome with these popsicles
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
