I wish I could punch you in the face.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
