yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
