went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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