He asked to "fluff my boner.."
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
