You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
