i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
