Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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