I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize