I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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