Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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