HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
