Need sex. Gaining weight.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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