i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
