Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Walk of Shame today included voting.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
