I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm sobbing to NWA
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
