make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
