Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
