btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
