2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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