My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
someone owes me an orgasm
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
