Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize