remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
