He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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