he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
