The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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