and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
