A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
