My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
