currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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