it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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