Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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