As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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