Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
