Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
