Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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