she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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