I just threw up on my dentist
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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