i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
