i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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