ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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