a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
