My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
