I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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