I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
