You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
