but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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