You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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