Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize