One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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