can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
