Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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