So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
