hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
