walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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