i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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