is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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