She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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