That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
