i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
