This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
