It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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