i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
