i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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