Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
